Being socially awkward has always been the norm for me, I figured out a long time about I’m a little different. I’ll never be a social butterfly if you will, just don’t have that in me. It’s not that I don’t want to fit in mind you, I guess somewhere deep down years ago I must have had a fatal blow to my self esteem. I don’t think of myself as less than, just different not the kind of different that comes with being some kind of hipster either. I’ve actually gotten pretty used to it.
Where this all gets difficult is when it comes to my family. My wife has always been a people pleaser, she hates confrontation and is the peacemaker of the family. I’m so lucky to have her as my wife. Well, the other day I heard about this big party. It was one of my wife’s close friends, and I asked my wife if she heard. Her answer was so painful for me, plain and simple she said yes and it hurts. She wasn’t invited and there is nothing I can do to take the sting away. Now, I know she will never say anything or even complain about it. She will go on as though it never happened. In talking to her we both discussed that even if we had been invited we probably wouldn’t have gone. But, some times it is nice to be asked to the dance if you know what I mean.
I love my wife, I’m amazed at her strength so much of the time. When things like that happen to me it takes me a while to get over it. I don’t make a scene, but I’m not as quick to move on as my wife. In fact if I didn’t ask her about it I would have never known. She doesn’t get angry or visibly sad. She is so much stronger than me.
Then there’s my daughter Hannah, I can already see some of the awkwardness. She has such a tender heart, and I struggle with how to prepare her for life in the outer circle. Just last night she was telling me how a bunch of the girls were listening to a song and she didn’t like it because the content of the song. I was proud of her, and know that she will be tested with the things of this world worse than I ever have been.
So how do I find comfort in a world where we just don’t quite fit. For me I have to look to the bible. I know that we have been set apart, and we are not to be conformed to this world. I know we are in very good company. Luke 9 58 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
Lord I pray you would continue to strengthen our family. I pray that we would walk in obedience to your will. I pray that my children would grow strong in your word. I pray you would give me the strength to prepare them for what is a head. Lord I pray that we would seek first your kingdom above all things. Lord I pray we would have a heart for the lost, and that our lives would give testimony to who your are.